sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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