Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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