Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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