I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
