We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
