are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
