Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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