my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
