You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
