I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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