Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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