My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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