At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
