the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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