Already got asked if we're dating
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
