the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
