Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
