your parents love me but you hate me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
