I want to have your abortion
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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