1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
