jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize