I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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