I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
