You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
