The maid of honor just puked.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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