Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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