so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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