Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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