and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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