He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
