he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
