I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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