Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
