Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
