I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
