She is in my trunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They took my balls.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
