I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
