Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
