I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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