Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
