either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
