You work out of a Hotel?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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