Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
