I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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