I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
