I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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