Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
