You're my little dorito
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
being pregnant is like rehab
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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