I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
