I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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