dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
