Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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