All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize