Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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