I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
