Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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