party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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