I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
