Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
