my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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