you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
