It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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