Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
