what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize