I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize