id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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