Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
