I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize