I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize