Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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