dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just threw up on my dentist
it hurts more in the daytime
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
