i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
